You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
