By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
