Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
