There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
