So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
