I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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