Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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