I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
kristin has been a bad kristin
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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