he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
