First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
