The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
