Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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