Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
