Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
