Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
