Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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