he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
