it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There r osticjed everywhere
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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