so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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