went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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