Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize