Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
