Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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