farters have to be the big spoon...
Farmville is her only friend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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