Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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