lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
