"it" just moved
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
