And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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