I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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