I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
