Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
