Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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