I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
