this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
