So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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