all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
