Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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