i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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