Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
