she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
