afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
