So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
