Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
