discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
