Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
