I look better un-naked...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
