I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
