I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
