so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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