Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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