the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
