we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
