It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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