i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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