Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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