I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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