my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize