I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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