i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
