I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
