I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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