so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize