i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
