umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
