i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
