Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
