He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
