i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
