It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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