On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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