I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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