real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
