with your own penis?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
