i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize