i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
