You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
your like the ambassador to my penis.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
