dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
