I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
