if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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