just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
