They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
