She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
