Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
